That SUDDEN TWIST

Like every chapter of the story in a book you’re reading, each page narrates different scenes. It can be stimulating, exciting, devastating…you try to hop into conclusions hoping that you and the author’s mind meets.

But what happens when you get a twisted ending?

Exactly how life’s game works. Its imperfection entails all the possibility beyond human imagination. Like when a life of a man you first love is taken right in front of your face.

It was around 5:30 in the morning of Wednesday 22^nd of April 2015. Breakfast was serve through an emergency call of my Pupsy being rushed to the nearest hospital. Reflex made me get up in a second, ran down through the stairs and held the wheel chair for him. Moment like that, I had to put away the ‘cold war’ situation for eight long months. He was grasping for air. He could hardly lean because he’s drowning by the little air he could get. Something was really wrong and I knew it. I was just too scared to face it. But everything happened in a snap of a finger. We transferred to another town where there’s an available ICU. There he continued to struggle.  I stood still and wondered if it was for real. After I blinked several times, I saw those tears that rolled on his cheeks with his mouth half opened. His chest was not moving anymore and his skin turned into purple. I screamed like a mad woman trying to revive his consciousness. That familiar feeling of numbness and shaking of knees with a heartbeat like rolling drums visited my system again.

Just like that. Pupsy left us. For good. I hugged his lifeless body sobbing with little tears but with so many questions and emotions that I could never spell out.

Even now as I write this. How will I ever describe something that is overwhelmingly agonizing? 

Beautifully Flawed

Two imperfect souls bonded by rare emotions.
Time and distance were never a question.
Darn witch must have let loose of the potion.
That YOU & I are still in that 'love notion'.


Once we became like tumbleweeds.
Lost in the dessert that bleeds.
Those sun-scorched pain...
It was chaotic in an ugly mundane.

As the season shifted, peace surfaces.
It's but mesmerizing to ride in this serenity pace.
Heaven did hear me pray and I am awed.
I don't want this to end eventhough it's BEAUTIFULLY FLAWED. 

Mantra for 2015 and Onwards...

1. Focus on your long term goal.
             Instead of beating yourself up about past mistakes and lousy choices, strive to make it up. Nothing is too late just as long as you're still given the opportunity to wake up every morning.

2. Drop those expectations. 
            The more you expect, the more you live out from reality. It's like building an enclosed bubble away from pain and failure. It's okey to expect but not that much. 

3. Ignore the people who smears off negativity.
            You just can't please everybody so stop trying. If people find your confidence offending or threatining then that's their problem. Not yours. For as long as you stick your feet on the ground and you can sleep soundly at night knowing that you never step on anybody's shoe then you are good to go.

4. Treasure your childhood friends. 
           They are your only true friends. In the truest sense so far. My childhood friends never talked behind my back, never bailed out on me, and most of all...never displaced their frustrations instead they run to me for comfort.
5. Work hard.
             To turn yourself into a refuge is a mortal sin. If you are given both hands, feet and a brain then there's no excuse of that inability to work hard to feed your stomach.
6. SAVE.
             Rainy days do come anytime. What's ahead is engulf with uncertainties so better be ready or sorry.
7. Invest on health.
             For what use is your saving will be or your continous strive to work hard if your body itself cannot do it.
8. PRAY.
            It's your greatest source of strength along with your loved ones. Keeping your relationship intact with GOD even without airing it publicly is very powerful. 
9. Believe.
            Never stop believing in yourself and that happy ending you want to pen down on your own book. It will not hurt anyway. ;)

Hypocrisy in Hypocrites

Out from a bothersome situation, I came to rationalize that there really exist hypocrite people. They stick around when they got no one. It's like you are a pill to their ailment. Such sickness is not benign as you thought but it is recurring anytime and any day. As the behavior continues, I don't know if I should feel pity or confuse. Pity because such soul is lost and its physical manifestation is pathetic. Confuse because at one blink they adore you and the next thing you know you do not exist. Stunned and grinning from afar is the best reaction I could offer. If this is an issue of unmet needs in the past then that's pretty understandable. Or an issue of the inability to establish their ideal identity then that's given. 

Just like a puppy in a barn and came to meet a new pet owner who lives in the city. Trying to fit in to something so magical and reassuring. Mindless. Fake. So not true. The definition of hypocrisy in hypocrites. Liars can differentiate which one is true or not. They are liars because most of the time they don't tell the truth. But hypocrisy is rooted. Something pathological. Is it even curable? 

Perhaps when the situation calls for it. (wink)