Thank You 2013

One more day and this year is over. As I consider this to be one of the most challenging years in my life I don't want to end it without reminiscing its highlight...

           January: I was five months pregnant; I   qualified as a Weekday Tutor of RareJob
           February: Lemra went home from NZ and I  went to Cebu to meet him then we                                visited some good old friends and my Uncle Chrys.
           May: 9th of this month is when I gave birth to a beautiful boy Alec
           June: Alec's first long road trip to Granny's place
           July: Kuya Third turned 8 and we lost Alec. ;(
           August: A historical feud between me and Pupsy
           September: FSUU hired me as one of their Guidance Coach in the Basic Education 
           October: Yana turned 6 and I was finally able to afford a quite decent celebration
           November: I turned 31 and super typhoon Yolanda hit the country the same day I                        celebrated my birthday; I received a bonus more than what is expected; My                          relationship with Lemra turned shaky; A family trip to Bukidnon gave me an                          opportunity to reunite with a friend from when I was a Freshman in College;                          Reconciliation with Pupsy
           December:  My first glance of the enticing Dahilayan Adventure Park with family; I had a chance to see another old friend in Malaybalay City after a decade; A                           realization how privilege I am to be at FSUU when I received another gift                               packs; I lost 20 lbs.

Looking back, it is a year full of swirls, surprises, odds, deceits, pains, but most of all BLESSINGS. After all, it is how you react to every event that changes the degree of your situation. ♥

Thank You 2013 and Hello 2014!!!

Justification

US

For a person like me who has enough background on Human Behavior and what could be behind it, SILENCE says a lot than actually uttering a word.

Playing a blame game on me is of no help. If I insist my point of view on how you raise your son will even make the situation worst. With what's going on right now, we are actually on the lose-lose situation. I wish I can simply beg for your cooperation to pull back the person we both dearly love. But it's easier written here than opening my mouth in front of you.

Please know that I don't have a bad blood against you or any member of the family. In fact, I wanna prove my worth even if it takes the rest of my life. For now, I don't have a problem being passive and submissive. My focus is at a different direction. That is to prosper with Lemra and with my kids through the help of our Almighty God. 

Season of Love (supposedly)

We just got home from another family trip. It wasn't planned actually. It just happened that Pup's co teachers asked to rent the van for an expedition to see the beauty of Bukidnon. I've been dying to see Dahilayan and indeed all the hearsay is correct. The place is completely enticing. I wish I had a lot of money to enjoy the rides aside from the scenic.

Maybe it comes with the earth's energy where positive and negative events happen every after a day to create a spark and color.

This morning when we were having a breakfast, Lemra and his mom had a serious argument over a share of money that is denied from him. On a personal take, I think it is really offending. I mean, not only that it's Christmas but being a mother, being sensitive to your child's needs is a must. Bills to pay is not an excuse over sacrificing what your child should have. Besides they're not in a situation where there is no juice to extract anymore. I feel really bad too.

I couldn't help but think that I may have been a contributing factor to this. In result, Lemra developed a desire to move out. On what's going to happen next is yet to be found out. But one thing is for certain, I will still celebrate Christmas counting my blessings with kids and my Babylove...

Friends for a Lifetime

Joan a.k.a. Betang and ate Marj are one of my treasured friends whom I met in my freshmen year in College. We had a blast...we were together in exploring the world's wilderness.Sorority,alcohol,club nights,boytoys...whew!

It's amazing how we still ended up meeting again after more than a decade.ü

Bygone be Bygone

My Christmas break officially started yesterday. I woke up early and went home to our town where my kids are temporarily. They celebrated "Makabayan Festival" and was mark by the grader's field demonstration. As expected, Yana stood out while my Thirdy wasn't able to join the entire performance. He was being nonconformist again that he took off his red shirt and did not have his balloon. He sped off to their classroom to change his shirt but he was too lame in running back to the stage. His 11 seconds video wasn't that bad though.

The most memorable part was, their father came and we talked for the first time. It was non sense but it was quite an interaction already. I noticed how his appearance changed. There was no glow anymore. Not the typical "crush ng bayan" anymore. Poor guy. There was no more spark left. Gosh. I never realize how I got so burnout within our relationship until now.I am so glad I made my way out.

For my kids, they are the best thing that happened to me. With Lemra and with my job now, I couldn't ask for anything more.ü

Commitment & Involvement

For the past two weeks, my relationship with Lemra is tested by deceits, fabricated stories, secrets and all that stuff. It was never easy to swallow... I struggled tremendously that I thought of quitting already.

Then I caught myself saying, "There you go again with quitting". It only makes things worst I know. The thought of leaving this man electrifies my spine... I know I will become frustrated and bitter and very unhappy without him. I may get over it through time but I'm sure the process would be hellish.

I've never felt this way towards someone my entire life and I am certain it is worth fighting for. In the name of our son Alec... there's nothin I won't do to make this last.

This Christmas, I don't need any material things but just for God Almighty to touch Lemra's heart and embrace HIS existence again.

Amen.

My 2013

For some reason I've invented this self belief that when a year ends in an even number my life is never easy. I cannot enumerate those exactly but it's what my recollection can best retrieve.

This year I bore my 3rd child with the man I have loved for the longest time. How we started was like a sweet escape where its bounded by secrecy. Though I was already separated-in-fact, I was still in a very sensitive position.Yes we have survived the society's fierces but we were greatly challenged when our most precious one had to be taken away.

To mourn is like waking up in darkness. There is no ray of sun felt. It's just cold and shiverin. Sure I could manage to laugh and project seemingly normal…these acts are bandage of such wound.

Well, its never that cruel after I got a post in FSUU. When I was told of the free education for my 2 children as soon as I get tenured, I knew then that this is fate.

We may lose a treasure but we sure can gain another which is for keeps. Still, thank you Lord.