Today I learned how helpful driving is in my psychological state. It makes me more conscious about the relevance of the future. Beating the traffic jam requires all your senses to work. Underdisciplined drivers just pop up in every junction and if you don't make yourself ready, you'd panic and who knows what's next. You have to really think in advance, expect the possibilities while maneuvering the wheel. My morning is welcomed by brushing up the Career Guidance group process and meetings. Lunch break came and I tried to sleep but instead I remember what I came across last weekend. In the quest of looking for answers, I googled testimonies similar to what I went through and here's the catch;
"I’m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship. The word betrayal evokes experiences of cheating, lying, breaking a confidence, failing to defend us to someone else who’s gossiping about us, and not choosing us over other people. These behaviors are certainly betrayals, but they’re not the only form of betrayal. If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagements." (an excerpt from the book of Brene' Brown "Daring Greatly")
I just love how the words are string together. BETRAYAL OF DISENGAGEMENT. I never knew such do exist. Anyhow, something has poked me. It said; ask yourself what have you done too? It must had been the holy spirit because I asked for it.
So...I realized, I must have been really selfish. I should have brought it up early on. I should have not let it pile up. I should have just admitted it right away that I was starting to feel extra jealous, and was so anxious about rejection.
But going back to what's real now. I will still move on. I always know my cognitive direction and one day, for sure I'll be wearing that enigmatic smile again and bury the hatchet. Xoxo.
P.S. First group process session went very well though.
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