Bills & Means

The older we become, the bigger the bills get.

Just when I am so freaking out to pay off my over dues before this month ends and the internet just isn't in the mood to cooperate.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!

Are you kidding me right now? :/

I hate living beyond means and so I always try to work my ass out to at least earn more than what I need. I'm so done with living in paycheck to paycheck but I think I'm going back to that direction again.

What is happening????

What's Within

                                Morning Walk

                      Amidst the dew of early dawn,
                      I took a morning walk.
                      And along with me, I took a Friend,
                      For I felt a need to talk.
                      I unburdened both my heart and soul,
                      And spoke many things:
                      Of plans gone wrong, of failure's pain,
                      And how to live with shattered dreams.
                      My Friend just listened quietly,
                      And uttered not a word.
                      For it was His time to listen,
                      And my time to be heard.
                      His sympathetic ear brought peace,
                      As we walked this earthly sod.
                      And I learned to trust life again,
                      On my morning walk with God.
                                         
                                          Poet, Barbara Cagle Ray  
 

Nature versus Nurture

As an advocate on the study of human behavior, it bothers me not to share this. Human development has something to do with both heredity and environmental factors. It's been debated on for the longest time and so far, the most that emerged on a lot of studies is that social learning, modeling, that "tabula rasa" of Locked are what most people like me agree on.

With my recent exposure, we usually draw out the underlying reasons of a student's misdemeanor from the family system and its characteristics. And we never went wrong...not even once. 

But I am face with personal mocking. I'm caught in a situation where I cannot open my mouth. So I choose to write. 

Parenting is a lifetime commitment. It's a perfect example of unconditional love. You never quit on your child. You just don't. I've seen my parents looked at me sharply when I did terrible things. My father beat me with his belt back when I was a freshman in college but ended up throwing his ATM card to let me withdraw my allowance. My mother grew an eye bags when I stowed 8 hours away from home but hugged me tightly when I got back after 3 days. They submitted on my hardheadedness when I married a douche-bag and even helped us in making a decent living. After that marriage went sour and that business vanished, I heard their expression of disappointment but they never labelled me with "hopeless case". Instead, they managed to focus on the strength that's left in me and reinforced it. They're not perfect though. But they're never afraid to show their imperfection and are fearless in admitting their faults.

I want to be like them when my children grow old and mess things up. Because I believe in the degree of social formation which started at the very core- PARENTING. 

So if you describe your child as screwed. What are you then? ;)

The Love Month

When February takes over we thought of Valentines Day. However it started by St.Valentine, the celebration became phenomenal that even Japan which never recognize a Saint have adapted the hearts day. For most of the women, regardless of age, perceive this time of the year to be so romantic or at least a chance of some romance. There are of course, hopefuls too that even if they've never been in an intimate relationship, the probability of starting one is high.

Anyhow, it's going to another life's dimension in my case. I started this month by retaking the two minor subjects I had a hard time passing during my first take in comprehensive exam. I did some readings and solving practices yeah...but to my astonishment, the questions designed by my professors are bigger than my dreams and ambitions. I must have forgotten my cognitive capacity for awhile. I got so carried away of my friends and loved ones encouragement.

So I found my brain numb and dysfunctional after the four hours and a half analysis of the white paper and that blue book. But despite of that agony, I still managed to thank God for sending me home safely...then I started to sob before falling asleep. My disappointment was beyond all that I could take.

It's been two days already and I could still feel the sting. I can only hope for a miracle. If not, then I should consider another options. (⊙o⊙)

Serenity in the Scenery

Houses. Ricefields. Trees. Bridges. Cars. People.
These are the usual apple of my eyes everytime I travel. Sometimes I draw a story out of these things in my head. Specially on houses. I'd pick a design and start to imagine life with the kids and Lemra in there.
They say that what you think will become so I always like to replay it until I will be blessed with resources. Though I only have one sibling and our parents' house would be enough for us, I still believe in the fulfillment of building something that I can call mine.
Since I left my old life and moved on with my new love,

I travel in the bus with peace of mind. I remember how I thought about violent things against "bugged-brain" and it never do any good. In fact I really ended up showing my super aggressive side in front of that family. But now? as if I am in a baby's cradle. I look at the surroundings as a representation of hope, joy and faith. ;)